Southern Sea Littered With Cave Men In Final Mass Melt

ISLA DECIET, May 18—Hundreds of thousands of alleged semi-frigid Neanderthal bodies have began surfacing in the Southern Sea this week in what experts started calling “Closing Time Thaw.” With temperatures reaching penultimate highs and droughts reaching milestone periods of uninterrupted time, the appearance of these paleolithic cadavers is not boding well.

That changed today when one of the ships associated with sanitation efforts found one of the caveman bodies wearing what appeared to be a WHITESNAKE TOUR 98′ T-shirt, leading many experts to the conclusion that this last remaining chunk of Antarctica is none other than the rogue ice floe which decimated much of California earlier this year.