Renowned Self-Proclaimed “Alter-Dimensional” Mystic Vanishes Into Hibernating Volcano

MONTICELLO, Jan. 21—The Freemason and post-religious figure known to many as Ebenezer von Starsailor dematerialized late last week while holding a Rothian ceremony deep into the night. The ceremony took place at the base of Cortico Mountain, a newly hibernating volcano.

Of the 242 eyewitnesses present at the ceremony, only a handful were not already avowed disciples of the controversial mystic.

Starsailor’s whereabouts are still unknown. The Society of Rothian Dignitarian Sithophets, of which Starsailor was sole leader, has yet to release an official statement regarding his disappearance.