Practice Apocalypse Postponed Until March 20

UPPER JERUSALEM, Mar. 15—This month’s upcoming Practice Apocalypse has been postponed until early next week, the Heavenly Host announced Thursday.

Citing low turnout and budgetary concerns, organizers of the event—the second this year after an initial run-through early in January—remained confident the End of Days would arrive on schedule, though they have yet to release an official date.

“The end is still nigh,” the Whore of Babylon announced on her Facebook page this morning. “And it’s sooner than you think!”

“We’re working closely with our animal handlers to make sure these monsters are good and hungry for human souls,” angelic officials announced.

“Bring a raincoat—this one’s gonna be bloody.”

The Heavenly Host remind participants to download a PDF copy of the Book of Revelations, which is available for free on their website.