YEMEN, Feb. 17—With anticipation of the last week on earth, The Organized Colonies of the United Never-Ending Dawn reported today that their previous calculations for the imminent death of our solar system’s sun, which had been slated to go red super-giant by the end of this week, has been incorrectly tabulated.

The impending collapse of the star—hailed as an answer to survivors’ prayers everywhere, giving us all rest from this hellish black cloud existence of waning natural resources and godawful tempest electrical storming—was all but dashed when it was discovered that a ‘6’ was mistaken for an ‘8’ in the thirty-second line of Adolf Gorstruppe’s “Grateful Night Theory.” The error came as a result of a research intern smudging what appears to be Doritos dust near the edge of one of his calculations.

“We’ll have to endure the life of this world for much, much longer,” Gorstruppe reported. “Maybe even longer than we had ever even previously considered.”