KALAMAZOO, Aug. 27—After months of deliberation, Rat Turd Entertainment has chosen a small prison asteroid currently orbiting the sun as the destination for the 267th Annual Monster Jam rally.
The unnamed asteroid, endearingly referred to by inmates as “Shit Rock,” is just one of hundreds of similar correctional facilities trapped in the gravitational pull of our universe’s dying star. Rat Turd Entertainment spokesperson Randy Dunkle admitted the prison was selected because it housed the fewest serial killers.
The rally is being sponsored by Kraft Foods®, who is perhaps best known for their Meat Your Maker® line of meat-flavored suicide tablets.
The month-long gathering of monster truck enthusiasts is scheduled to begin on November 10th. At press time, the going rate for a single ticket was two cartons of cigarettes and an Aryan Brotherhood stick-n-poke.