Missile Silos To Be Converted Into Vaults For Stuffed Animals

BETHESDA, Aug. 12—The International Agency for the Re-Allocation of Atomic Assets (IARAAA) and the Toys For Tots Foundation began work Monday on a three-month project to convert 740 evacuated missile silos into vaults for donated stuffed animals.

The IARAAA said they had “exhausted the supply of weapons-grade anything after the last holocaust.”

Facing a lack of resources and remaining targets, the agency formed late last year to evaluate proposals for the future of nuclear facilities worldwide.

Toys for Tots, the world’s largest non-profit toy supplementation service, has suffered an expensive surplus in recent years as the child population follows a sharp decline.

“Most of these children are disfigured, orphaned or destitute—our target demographic. However, most of them have either died or become sterile from radiation,” Foundation Chairman Tim Thunder said in a January HuffPo Exclusive.

Citing a report from the Global Contribution Index, Thunder said nuclear holocausts regularly yield record donations of toys, blankets, and hard candies, creating urgent storage needs for the world’s charities.

“These donations are highly encouraged. But a teddy bear isn’t exactly a prosthetic leg.”

The project is slated for completion before the expected influx this holiday season.

In an addendum to the proposal, Agency and Foundation members agreed to convert 60% of the stuffed animals to fuel for the upcoming Superwinter.