Human-Rocket Flight Impending As Final Arithmetic Sequence Decoded

BELGRADE, Sept. 11—Conservatory Congress member of the Fifth Parliament and sole scientist of its Telemetry Division, Cornish Meyert, has published a ream of arithmetic calculations concerning single manned rocket flight.

Published via international cable, the document contains a majority of completed theorems and other legacy maths left behind by late Soviet scientist Gabriel Bluddechek who perished a decade ago while aboard a resurrected subway train traveling from Staten Island to New Manhattan. The last remaining rocket scientist, his demise initiated a “dark ages” for manned and unmanned rocket travel. Not one rocket has successfully exited earth’s orbit since.

“Man,” Meyert said in a satellite phone interview following the cable, “it seems [to me] like the only people getting into the idea of blowing this popsicle stand we call ‘earth’ are like Hawkwind fans or something. That,” he added, “may not be enough.”

A chimpanzee named “Lana” is set for launch at some point in the next month.