EVANSVILLE, Oct. 1—Farmhands in the bombed-out wastes of feudal Indiana are hooked on the latest craze: running Doom on their Geiger counters.

While slaying demons on a 3″ monochrome monitor using a non-intuitive control scheme may impress their friends and pass the time, management is concerned that it causes distraction in the fields. Some cite Doom as the number one impediment to serf safety today.

“This fad has resulted in at least three fatalities to date,” said Xyfax, Agricultural Overseer for the Cornlord of Evansville. “While wasting goat-men with the BFG, our valued workers are unable to use their Geiger counters for what really matters: prevention of rad exposure.”

The cornfields contain not only irradiated shrapnel of past centuries, but also landmines known as “turkey fryers” that produce alpha particle bursts when they sense the proximity of a nervous system. A particularly vicious innovation of RTX Corp dating to the late 22nd century, they are virtually immortal and invisible to metal detectors. The best defense against them is a well-calibrated Geiger counter wielded by a vigilant farmhand.

Despite the danger, many serfs can’t withstand the allure and challenge of the game. “I like to play on counter 37, it’s got wicked screen burn at 2 o’ clock,” said one serf, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “When I wrecked the cyberdemon on 37, my buddies couldn’t believe it. I drank free slime mold ciders at the canteen for a week.”

Beginning next quarter, any of the Cornlord’s serfs caught playing Doom on a Geiger counter will be sentenced to twenty lashes and ten days of bread and water.

“We have a strictly enforced culture of safety, here in the Cornlord’s Dominion,” said Xyfax, while moisturizing his bull whip with bacon grease using two of his three arms.

They can hardly afford otherwise. With oil and natural gas largely extinct, serf labor is the backbone of North American agriculture. And despite vast resources dedicated to the fertility problem, the birth rate remains in freefall due to widespread heavy metal poisoning, radiation sickness, and fungal infection.

“The Cornlord is merciful and understanding,” said Xyfax. “All are welcome to play Doom off the clock. Only on their own salvaged devices, of course. Graphing calculators, toasters and the like.”

If behavior and output return to the status quo, the Cornlord has promised to sponsor a Doom arcade machine in the barracks. Xyfax has been testing the prototype, which uses the CRT screen from an ancient Galaga cabinet and the control panel of a salvaged attack helicopter, powered by a serf pedaling a stationary bike.

At the time of this reporting, Xyfax has yet to clear “I’m Too Young to Die” difficulty.