YUCATAN, Nov. 6—A note from the man responsible for deserting multiple bags of dead felines at the corner of Gomez and Cafella Way in Javier Modesto Square was received yesterday. “Brass Ring,” as he calls himself, confessed to the killings which have taken place over the last month.
“Because no one has noticed,” the note reads, “I will kill one cat for every hour that passes until a box of Chile Picante Corn Nuts® from the Rations Office is delivered to my hot air balloon.”
When asked, authorities seemed clueless as to what the note means, nor would they speculate on possible suspects.
“Hot air balloon could be a clue here,” said Lt. Dome. “Probably the same dough-turd who done us a favor an’stole a box of self-published Amazon steampunk novels.”
Dome refused further questioning citing his urgency to finish a chili dog.