Cheese-Eaters Emerge As Water Supply Tainted

NEW BRUNSWICK, Nov. 6—Riots on the eastern seaboard broke out today in response to information that the region’s water supply had been compromised by a deadly amount of rat feces and has become unsafe for consumption. As a result, conjunctivitis and the insatiable urge to eat cheese has ripped through the East Coast with over four thousand reported cases of the disease. It is not entirely clear what has caused the riots, however seven independent cheesemongers have been killed in the process, one of which was visiting family before the Exodus Day holidays.