Cache of Blu-rays Uncovered In Coffin Nail Gang Slum Raid

TRAVERSE CITY, Jan. 3—A group of 15 paramilitary members of the group known as the Wolverine Militia stormed into one of the last remaining Coffin Nail Gang strongholds today, leaving 76 dead and 18 maimed.

A large portion of stolen antibiotics and drug store reading glasses were believed to be held inside. However, in a bizarre twist, an entire storage unit full of $5 Blu-rays including titles such as “Starsky & Hutch,” “Caillou,” and “Soul Plane” were found instead.

None of the Militia forces were harmed in the raid.