ELKFIELD, Mar. 13—Graduates of the recently-founded Virtual Reality University are losing sleep over “terrifying” and “intrusive” visits from student loan creditors implanted in their dreams.
After a recent flurry of complaints to the VRU alumni services center, university representatives have announced an exploratory investigation into what they deem a “disturbing nightly phenomenon.”
“Childhood homes are being foreclosed on. Imaginary friends and deceased relatives are having to answer uncomfortable questions about the graduate’s credit score,” said university chairman Silas Snell, who has personally interviewed over 1,000 self-identified victims.
“We want to stress that these entities were never written into any of our VR curricula. They seem to be incidental manifestations on the part of the student’s unconscious mind.”
VRU’s robust catalog of higher education programs are accessible via cryo-pod at any participating Walgreen’s pharmacy. Instead of typical college tuition, students are charged an hourly pod rental fee.
“One unfortunate side-effect is the affected students have begun to confuse the bogus sleep-debt with their actual waking debt,” the school’s registrar announced to an alumni email list. “While we can’t condone sleeplessness as a solution, we do remind students to tally up their hours in the Learning Pod and settle this amount in a timely manner.”
Investigations are still in their infancy, while affected students are anxious for a solution.
“In my dreams, I lived like those billionaire third-world dictators or venture capitalists you read about,” recent VRU History department graduate Garvis Purcell told reporters. “Now, a slick-haired collector kicks down my cardboard shanty every night.”
At press time, the number of VRU graduates in assisted suicide lounges maintains a steady climb, leading policymakers to continue to search for a good reason for anyone to seek any form of post-secondary education.